


Who Will Catch You (When you fall apart)

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Happy Ending, Ill tag more as i go, Minor Eating Disorder, Platonic Relationships, im so sorry, ish?, its going to be an open ending?, watch me putting my emotions into my writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-09-01 05:59:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16759327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After Phil moves out, Dan figures out how to manage his life without his best friend by his side.





	1. Falling

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rain_on_his_umbrella](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rain_on_his_umbrella/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction. I do not own Dan or Phil, and this does not reflect on my opinion of either of them

“I’m moving out.” 

Dan froze, unable to comprehend the words coming out of Phil’s mouth. He turned his chair to face him.

“What” he said, monotone and dumbfounded. Deep down he knew that eventually Phil would move on, or he would move on. Dan just didn’t think that day would be today. 

“I’m moving out Dan. I found a flat right outside London within my price range. I already payed the deposit,” Phil appeared non-chalont, as if his sudden declaration was completely normal. As if their lives hadn’t intertwined in the past nine years. As if their JOBS didn’t depend on them staying friends, “... I just think it’s time we moved on from Youtube. You know that the views won’t last forever Dan. It’s been over ten years for me. I’m ready to move on.”

“And do WHAT, Phil?” Dan was on the verge of snapping, his heart beating as he was trying to maintain composure. “What would you do without youtube? What would I do without Youtube?” He was almost sobbing now, hot tears pricking his eyes. “Why Phil, why now? After the tour we had so many plans. We are well settled, at the peak of our lives! We have much to hope for, and now for what-“ Dan’s sobs broke through his sentence, “-why didn’t you tell me this earlier! We could have figured something out! W-we could have changed something. Talked it out at least! I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR BEST FRIEND!” His voice was wavering, he could almost hear his heart breaking. He hoped Phil could too.

“I’m tired Dan. I’m tired of the fans prying into my personal life. I’m tired to being too scared to do what I want on my channel. I’m tired to being treated less than human, just a PIECE for entertainment!” Phil was losing his composure too, Dan could see it cracking. He could feel the pent up rage in Phil’s body, the pain it caused him. Wasn’t that what the tour was about though? Wasn’t it to show their viewers more of the ‘real’ Dan and Phil? To tell them that their actions have real consequences. Dan never thought one of those consequences would be Phil moving out. 

“You don’t need to move out Phil. We can figure this out. You don’t need to do Youtube forever. Please Phil. Please.” 

Phil was crying now, his normally calm exterior melting into a puddle at his feet, “I’m moving out Dan. We can figure out how to split our finances later. I need you to understand that I HAVE to do this.” Phil shook his head and stood up, deliberately facing away from Dan, “I have to do this,” he whispered, seemingly to himself. As if he was trying to convince himself that he needed to, rather than Dan. Slowly, Phil disappeared through the doorway; gathering the shattered pieces of himself, Dan rose and padded back to his room, hoping that everything would be alright in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my first fic so go easy on me


	2. Small Victories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction. I do not own Dan or Phil, and this does not reflect on my opinion of either of them

Everything was not alright. Dan spent the entire next day hidden in his room, seeking shelter from the storm of emotions that lay on the other side of his door. He could hear Phil shuffling around the flat, no doubt packing all his things. Dan wondered what Phil was taking, they bought most of their things together, the line between ours and mine had been blurred over the years. 

Phil eventually popped into his room to announce that Martyn was there to help him move his things. Dan knew that he should say goodbye, try and patch things up before Phil left forever. Phil never said that they couldn’t still be friends. Instead of doing any of that, Dan mumbled something and pulled the sheets back over his face. Phil, taking the cue, sofly shut Dan’s door and left him alone in his misery. 

A couples hours later, Dan stomach reminded him that he couldn’t stay hidden forever. He eventually would have to make the trek to the kitchen lest he starve. Wrapping himself up in his duvet, he stubbled, bleary-eyed, out of his room. The sight that greeted him on the other side was shocking, to say the least. Phil had packed every colorful object from the flat, leaving Dan his monochrome aesthetic. Everything seemed half decorated, which it was. Dan made his way to the fridge, attempting to ignore the baren walls and impersonal rooms. 

Milk. Thats what pushed Dan over the edge. What made him break down on the kitchen floor, sobbing in his duvet. Fucking milk. Phil’s stupid lactose free milk sat innocently in the fridge. The one vestage left of their friendship. The fucking milk. And Phil’s fucking lactose free milk would be left in the fridge, never to be drank, until Dan had the willpower to throw it out.

His days passed in a haze of crying, anger, and sleep. Sleep being the biggest of the issues. Dan would spend days laying in his bed, only getting up to use the toilet. On day three he got hungry and left his room to grab snack for the pantry. There was no way he was opening the fridge again. On day 6 he finally opened his phone to find several worried texts from his friends and family, thousands of twitter notifications wondering where he was, and finally one email from his therapist asking if he was still coming to his appointment tomorrow. 

Dan decided to go to his appointment. His therapist was a kind young woman named Tara, and she didn’t accept any of Dan’s bullshit. He had been seeing her for a little over a year and he had to admit, it was good for him. When Dan woke up that day however, it felt like he truly could not get out of bed. His limbs were tired and there was absolutely no point in going out if he was just going to come right back. He could barely muster up the energy to eat breakfast, not nearly enough to take a shower. Tara’s advice rang in his mind ‘small victories Dan, you don’t need to do everything at once. It’s okay to only do one thing. As long as you are trying’. Solid advice really, and Dan felt that if he could achieve any victory that day, it would be going to see Tara. 

He arrived at her office five minutes late: unbathed, unbrushed, and hungry. But he still got out of the house; and for that, he was proud. Tara’s office always seemed welcoming and safe. Although it was her job to make it feel that way, Dan couldn’t help but finally feel relaxed. 

“Hi Dan, it’s been a little while. Is there anything you would like to talk about today?” Tara smiled encouragingly, she knew something was happening in his life. It wasn’t as though Dan hid who he was, and he also knew that Tara kept up with his social medias when he didn’t see her for a couple weeks. 

Dan felt like he finally exhaled a long breath he didn’t know he was holding. Tara was already familiar with Phil, being Dan’s therapist, she knew that he was a constant positive in his life. Dan felt free to talk about what he had been doing since Phil has left, and how he was slightly lost. After what felt like minutes, the hour was over and Dan was scheduling another appointment in a week, to make sure that he didn’t sink too far down.

Tara and him discussed finding new supports or reaching out to friends he wanted to be closer with, but first and foremost was how he could help himself. Taking care of his mental health was very important, and he knew that if he stayed in this funk the would backtrack on all the progress he had made the past few months. First on the list - showering. The dark hole that he had flung himself stuck in seemed a little shallower after taking care of himself. Even though it was 4 PM, Dan decided that it was a good idea to brush his teeth, minty mouth and all that. He knew that this wouldn’t fix anything but it was a small victory he could have for that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you see any typos please let me know.


	3. Sadness and Succulents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction. I do not own Dan or Phil, and this does not reflect on my opinion of either of them

Dan tried so fucking hard to return to normal. But any semblance of the word left with Phil. Dan didn’t know what the fuck he was supposed to do, and the flat felt too empty without Phil’s constant presence. Normal just wasn’t in the cards for Dan, at least not today. 

It had been two weeks since Phil had moved out, and Dan had barely left the house, other than to see Tara. Consciously, he knew that it was horrible for his mental state, but he didn’t have anything to do in the outside world. It used to be Phil who would drag him out of the flat to see a movie or just wander aimlessly through London. Dan couldn’t go out and risk a fan interaction though, he wouldn’t even know how to explain to anyone about his situation, let alone an over-invested stranger. 

He spent nine fucking years working towards his dream, and he never imagined he would be there without Phil. But what was the point of it all, if he would just end up alone again. 

Beneath all of his rage insecurities, he just missed Phil. He wanted his best friend back. He missed the morning anime marathons; the relaxing days where they would just do nothing; the loud crashes at 3 A.M. when Phil would run into a counter; he even missed their petty arguments over cereal for Christ’s sake! 

Maybe Dan just cared too much, and all the good memories in his head were fabricated. Because obviously Phil didn’t remember them, otherwise he would have stayed. He would have tried to work out his issues with Dan, rather than running away.

He can feel himself retracting from the world, falling deeper into that colorless pit that can never be filled with pizza. 

Dan couldn’t help but blame himself too. He could have payed more attention, given Phil more space, took a break from editing videos. There is so much he could have done, but he didn’t. And he wants to fix it more than anything. And maybe he can’t fix everything right now, but surely he can try to adjust his attitude. 

Tara said giving positive reinforcement once a day, even to inanimate objects, can ground his mind. So that is how he ends up talking to a houseplant for an hour. It started with _you’re so green you funky succulent_ and ended with Dan pouring his heart out to a plant in his room. Not the most conventional, but Dan felt loads better nonetheless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just want to say that none of this reflects how I think of Dan and Phil. Everything Dan thinks in this chapter are his perception of the situation. And I’m planning on doing a chapter from Phil’s perspective too.


	4. Epilogue(Kinda)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda forgot this existed... sorry

So I haven’t finished this fic - obviously. And I’m not really planning on doing so. However these were the major points that happened after chapter 3. BTW this expands over about a year-ish

* POV- Phil: Gives his side of moving, what he wants to do(looking at writing/filming shorts/editing again), how he moves on from Dan. This chapter planned on having a lot of flashback scenes and moving on  
* POV- Dan: Goes back into Youtube, vaguely explaining that he and Phil “mutually” decided to move since Phil did not want to continue Youtube  
* Dan tries his hand at acting again, and ends up in a small show at a local theater  
* Mostly focuses on his recovery and interal thoughts as he pushes himself to find out who he is without Phil  
* We meet Dan’s new theatre friends and see how he interacts with his and Phil’s shared friends  
* Phil meanwhile experiences the guilt of wanting to move on even though he felt that its what he needed to do for himself  
* Phil still talks to Youtube friends and we see him happy at his new job  
* Phil eventually contacts Dan again, and he agrees to meet. Phil explains his side and apologizes for leaving so abruptly  
* Dan and Phil agree that they aren’t going to be the same as they once were, and frankly they dont want to be. They are both different people than they were a year ago and need to get to know eachother again  
* A chapter on re-getting to know eachother and the ups and downs with that  
* I was going to end the last chapter with Phil attending one of Dan’s shows  
I made this a platonic fic but you can read into this as much as you want. Whatever happens after the end is up for you to decide... Thanks for reading it


End file.
